ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL....

I never know what to expect when I visit my doctor. This year it was time for my annual check up and physical. Believe it or not my appointment was right on time.Checks on weight, blood pressure, ekg, blood work and much poking and prodding I'm thinking every thing is looking good. I'm told my ekg looks ok and the results from my blood work with be back in a few days. My doctor always asks if I have had a flu shot and I always reply I had one several years ago and had the worst case of flu in my life. When have you had your eyes checked? About two years ago. He always ask this, he might be in with my eye doctor?? Next came a bomb shell I wasn't expecting. Do you know colon cancer in men your age is a leading cause of death? I'm going to send you to Dr Crabtree for a colonoscophy. There is nothing to it. Before I knew what just happened he would set up an appointment for me. I laughed and said if there's nothing to it how about taking it for me? He replied he had already had one and also his 80 year old father had one at Dr Crabtree.
Later at home I did some research on WebMD on the procedure. I wasn't fond of the camera being inserted were the sun don't shine. OK maybe it's one of those new high definitions cams?? We all have second thoughts about procedures we have never had but I look on the situation as it might save my life in the long run.
My appointment with Dr. Crabtree to learn more about the colonoscophy went well and I was impressed with his professional manner. I found out later that he did the gall bladder surgery on my sister. My date was set for Feb. 17 at 12:00pm. I was told what to take prior to my procedure on Mon. and Tues. I was given a choice between meds from the pharmacy or I was told I could get the same things at Wal Mart. At the pharmacy it cost about $50 and at Wal Mart it cost around $5. Since she assured me both had the same results I chose Wal Mart. The chemicals needed to cleanse my system consisted of two bottles of Magnesium citrate and a small box of Dulcolax. I already knew about the Dulcolax.
The worst part of the whole ordeal was taking all those laxative's. On Mon. I was to be on a liquid diet all day and after 5:00pm I had to take two dulcolax tablets. At 11:30 the cleansing began and again at 4:30pm. Man, those tablets would knock the crap out of Superman!!
Tues. morning at 5:00 am I began round two of cleansing. Take 4 dulcolax tablets with 8 ozs. of water followed by one 10 oz. bottle of the magnesium citrate and drink 3- 8 oz. glasses of a clear beverage. I drank Mountain Dew. All this had to take place in a 30 minute time frame. Again at 6:00 am I had to repeat the same sequence all expect taking more dulcolax. If you did the math, that's 76 ozs. of liquid in the span of two hours. Looks like a flood is going to happen. Twelve trips to my bathroom and a roll of toilet paper later I was as clean as a whistle. On the way to the Surgery Center I was hoping another bathroom trip wasn't needed. We arrived at the Surgery Center just before 11:00pm with all my paper work filled out and in hand. I had to fill out a few more and sign my name several times before I was called to take a trip back into the room with the nurse. She gave me a couple of plastic bags and told me to remove all my clothes and put them into the bags. That gown's split goes in the back and once you have it on get into the bed. I'll return in a few minutes. Once the fashion show was over my nurse came back with some instructions and plugged a heater hose into the front of my gown. Feels good!! She told me the doctor had called and would be late because of unexpected problems that happened at the hospital. She went and got my wife to set with me while we waited. My procedure was set for 12:00 but it was 1:00 before the doctor arrived. While I  waited I told my wife and nurse I smelled french fries. If the doctor doesn't come soon I'm going to order me a Hardee's thickburger and fries. I haven't ate anything solid for two days. My nurse did tell us I did smell french fries. An aide was having her lunch back in the rear of the room. While waiting I had to go to the bathroom and the nurse and my wife helped me up. I had to carry my IV with me and when I returned to my bed my wife informed me if I had to use the bathroom again to be more careful with my gown. Seems like I Mooned a few people.
My doctor finally arrived with an apology for his being late. I'm taken into another room and given an injection into my IV and asked to turn over no my left side. That was the last thing I remember before coming to in the recovery room. The good news there were no polyps and every thing looked OK. They told me I had a lot of gas but I had already discovered that.
Everyone at the Surgery Center was great and did their jobs very professionally. That part of the experience was gratifying. On the way home I did get my Hamburger and fries to take home. I had a few stomach cramps and gas last night but slept like a baby. I feel great this morning. I hope I haven't bored you to death.