SQUIRREL WAR...??????

Living in the woods creates all kind of problems with the critters living in the trees and the ground. Each year we always have a problem with some new critter. You can always count on the deer eating from the garden or the flowers. These animals have caused havoc over the years; raccoons, groundhogs, rabbits, skunks, dogs not to mention all those insects. This year a new battle is brewing, it's me against the squirrels.
All our local woods squirrels must be having many visitors; their population has increased since the peach trees are loaded with fruit. The fruit is not ripe yet but they are removing peaches and eating only bites off them and I'm finding them all over the area. Years ago I lowered the squirrel population during hunting season. How to discourage those critters from getting the peaches? Well the scarce crow idea didn't work, I saw one squirrel climbing on Mr. scarecrow. When I get my shotgun out they know it and I don't see any of them. I know they are laughing at me. New idea???? How about some music near the peach trees. I think that might work!!
My plan was to place a radio near the peaches and have it playing music day and night. To far away from the house to plug it into an outlet. Only a small battery radio that doesn't pick up signals very good. That's out ! I do have several old car and truck radio's that were replaced over the years with more modern ones. I also have a couple of 12 volt car batteries and a battery charger. Do you see where this is going??? A five gallon plastic bucket will house the radio inside out of any rain showers and a speaker is mounted to the side of the bucket and a  car antenna will be mounted in the bucket top and two wires run out the side to connect to the car battery which is located near the bucket. My wife said that all seems like a lot of work and I bet it want stop them. Oh, of so little faith.
My radio project takes a few hours to complete and finally I place it near the peach trees and tune in a strong station. To my amazement the strongest station is one that plays gospel music. I don't think the squirrels are Christian Squirrels or they wouldn't be stealing my peaches. Music fills the air and it's time to find a place to observe the squirrels and their reactions to the music.
After watching from the den windows later that day near night fall; the squirrels venture out of the woods and approach the peach trees and come to a stop and retreat back into the woods. LOL!! They will not go all the way out to get my peaches. Looks like for the time beginning my plan is working. I'll keep you posted.

RUSTIE'S CAT DIARY.....MEOW!!!!!!!!!!

I'm caught in a trap, I can't walk away?? That song was running through my tiny little brain early this morning. I'll try to explain.
That old man that lives with my owner, I haven't decided if I like him or not. I only cozy up to him when he feeds me some times or when she is not around. Last year he went on rampage trying to capture a raccoon that was causing some problems around the fish pond. He's not all that smart but after a couple of weeks he finally caught Rambo in his trap. I was smart enough to stay out of that trap out near the pond although the smell of those sardines was tempting.
The lady of the house told him a groundhog was eating some plants in her garden. I saw some thing move in the yard so I was not able to hear what their plans were for the groundhog.
I sleep in the back shed in a wheelbarrow. I guess you could say I'm the TOP cat around. I'm a great hunter, I hunt for varmints on my domain. I've caught mice, rats squirrels, lizards, chipmunks, snakes, moles, rabbits and I really love those birds. This morning I was off on an early morning hunt and ventured up near the garden. To my surprise a new eating place had opened up. One of those outdoors places and the smell of my favorite, Meow Mix, caught my senses. I entered the open door and in the back of the room was a dish of Meow Mix waiting for me. As I approached the dish the door slammed shut with a loud bang. OML, I'm caught in a trap. Well while I'm here I can't let this food go to waste. There seems to be no way out of this trap. Maybe someone will hear me Meow. Hours pass, Oh there's the renter looking at his garden. MEOW,meow, meow, meow. translated: Get me out of here!!! He thinks I'm suppose to be in here. MEOW!!!!!!! I find out later that he called the old man up and told him your cats in the trap at the garden. Finally He comes and opens the door and I run out like I'm shoot out of a cannon. I lay low for most of the day but I see both of them laughing for some odd reason. Traps will be off limits from now on. In my defence it was still dark outside.
Later, Rustie.

RUSTIE'S CAT DIARY

RUSTIE'S CAT DIARY

Day 983 Of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good hunter' I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow--but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe....

For now...Rustie

WAR IS OVER AT UNCLE WILLIE T'S ?????

Have you ever been called in to help solve a problem between two relatives? The two are my last remaining Aunt and Uncle. Uncle Willie T had purchased a 3 wheel motorcycle ( trike) without telling aunt May. She hit the ceiling and laid down the law to Willie T. She called me to see if I would talk to him about a solution to this problem and acting his age, 87.
On my arrival at their home you could cut the tension between them with a knife. This isn't going to be pleasant for me, I'm caught in the middle but I'm hoping to see if they will come to a comprise. After greetings and hugs to both of them I ask Willie T if he would show me his cycle. I already knew aunt May's side from her phone call a few days ago.
Out to the tractor shed we went to view the cycle. My first thoughts on seeing his trike, it's not what I had picture in my mind. This thing was an old trike and a little run down with faded paint but still had character. " Do you want to hear it run,"  asked Willie T. " OK, fire it up!!" The old cycle such sounded a lot better than it looked. When the engine was turned off I ask him, " Do you have to keep this cycle? You know aunt May is very upset and afraid that you will have a bad accident riding out on the road." " I never dreamed that she would be this upset and against the cycle," replied the old man. " I bought it on the spur of the moment because it seemed like such a great deal." N ow I can see this wasn't such a good idea but I'm not going to admit this to May." Where did you buy the cycle Willie T?" I bought it at Rod's Cycle in town for $4,800." I asked, " what if we see if Rod will trade it in on a 4 wheel ATV, you could still ride on your property but not out on the road." I don't think Rod would refund your money." Would you agree to this if I can get aunt May to agree?"  That would work for me replied Willie T.
I went into the house to talk with my aunt with my compromise. I explained that he would only ride the ATV on their property. She agreed that it would be fine with her. " I just didn't want him killed out on the road with that darn motorcycle."
On the way to Rod's I explained that an ATV was fun to ride and would still give you a thrill with the wind in you face while riding. I told him that aunt May agreed to the ATV under the condition that he could only ride on their property. At Rod's shop I went in to talk to Rod about the problem. Come to find out I knew Rod's dad from days of showing our street rods. He had a 1939 Chevy Sedan. After the small talk I asked if he would refund my uncle's money?? After a few seconds the answer was NO! Would you trade it in on a used ATV? He said yes, I have several used 4 wheelers. I went to the truck and ask Willie T to come and look at the ATV's. He was smiling while checking out the used ones. " I like that red one." Rod wanted to know if the cycle was in the same shape as when he bought it to which he replied,  Yes I only rode it about 8 miles. LOL!!
Rod gave us a price of $3,900 on the ATV which was short of the $4,800 Willie T gave for the cycle. He said he would only  charge $250 for the time Willie T had the cycle and would refund him $650 when we returned the cycle and picked up the ATV. I believe that this was a fair trade for both parties.
On the way back to their house I ask Willie T if aunt May had been wanting anything special. It would be a great idea if you got her some thing she might want. " she had mentioned several times she would like to have one of those new sewing machines that does embroidering." " That's a great idea!"
At the house Willie explained to her what happen at the cycle shop. He also told her I'm going to buy you one of those new sewing machines that you been wanting. You could see her eyes light up when he came up with the sewing machine idea. Things were indeed looking better on their home front, maybe almost back to normal.
Willie ask, " How are we going to get the cycle back to Rods, you want to ride it and I'll follow you in my truck?" " Sounds good to me." On the ride to Rods on the cycle I'm thinking this is fun, I wouldn't mine having this machine. A little voice in my head said, OH, no don't even think about it. Finally we return back to Willie T's and unload his toy. He very excited and eager to ride. I give them hugs and a fair well. While on the way to my truck I hear aunt May yell, " Put your helmet on!" Once in the truck and traveling down the driveway I look in my mirrow and see a cloud of dust and a old man having fun.

MOTORCYCLE MADNESS'S....UNCLE WILLIE T

I had written a blog a few days ago on my only remaining Aunt and Uncle. Aunt May call me a night ago very upset with what Uncle Willie T did without her approval. Man, was she upset . The old man, 87 years old, went to town and purchased a motorcycle. She asked him," why in the world did you do such a stupid thing like that??" He replied, " because I always wanted one and it will save us on gas." He told her that we can ride together like all those people we see out riding their motorcycles. " I ain't riding that death machine with you. Oh, honey it's got 3 wheels and it can't turn over. Well I don't care if that darn thing has 10 wheels, I ain't riding!!!! I guess the next thing you will want is one of those awful tattoo's and some leather britches. Well, I did think about getting a tattoo. I'll give you a tattoo upside your head she replied. He just keeps digging himself a bigger hole??
Aunt May lay-ed down the law to him, get rid of that darn thing. No more meals, no washing your clothes and you can sleep on the couch. She ask me to come over and talk to Willie T about the dangers he faces riding at his age. I'm caught in the middle on this one???. I can see both points of view. I don't think he should be riding at his age. Although he doesn't look or act his age. I guess hard work all his life is paying dividends now. Well those dividends have him in a heal of trouble with Aunt May. I'll keep you'll posted as to what happens. WHY ME???? I have enough problems of my own.

BBQ-ING VIEWS....HERS AND HIS...NEED A LAUGH--READ THIS!!!

RULES

CHAMPE'S  VIEWS....

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQing , the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

NOW A MAN'S VIEW ON THE BBQ BY COUPEMAN

LMAO!!!!! I see that this is a woman view!! A man's view from here.
1. We have to get the grille out
2. Clean the grille.
3. Find the charcoal & lighter. She always moves it!!
4. Look for matches or Lighter without asking her where they are??5. Light the fire.
6. Wait for the fire to get to the perfect temp.
7. Wait on her to bring the meat and instructions.
8. Place meat in the perfect position on the grille.
9. Meat has to be turned at the right moment several times
10.Up and down from my chair many times during cooking.
11.Take meat up and take in the house up the basement steps.
12. She always ask, "Is it DONE??
13. I've been outside over a hot grille, fighting mosquitoes, breathing toxic smoke while she is in the confort of an air conditioned kitchen.
14. Great meal thanks to both of US.
15. When finished meal, it's off to my recliner and a short nap. I'm bushed.